victoria
christian
eighteen
17th May 1990

Psalm 51:12
Restore to me the joy of your salvation
and grant me a willing spirit,
to sustain me.

Proverbs 16:9
In his heart a man plans his course,
but the LORD determines his steps.




BIO 190A Final Exam - 14 Dec 09
Christmas! - 25 December
Back to school - 4 Jan 09

i am just so compelled to post again =)

i love the love that people have here. but i wouldn't generalise and say people... what i mean i guess is i love the love that sean and rachel have for each other. they're a young (but not so) married couple in church.

they're so cute. and they're so... God loving. and they love each other so much.
displaying public affection is not a "pai-seh" thing either.
they really love each other =)...
looking at them makes me go.. aww..

i've only met Sean today anyway.
they're so cute...

like he sharing honestly about his relationship and all at the gathering.
in the presence of his wife haha

its just so honest.

and they have a humble abode. their place is so nice. and they're like really in this together. rach is still looking for a job and still praying for it. sean's working, and i think its full time ministry. and its really just... living by faith ya know. and... God's really awesomely provided for them. and they are content. they're living =)

its not the strive to have a big house, a big car, to get loads of money, to get a bigger house, to satisfy one's needs first. its really just.. living. they've got God, they've got each other. and its just.. (sigh) another wow thing...

i don't know if i'm bringing anything across but... its just different. refreshing.

canada is just.. different. and im seeing it. the differences. the people. really. its not the 'snap your fingers and get things done now' or chasing goals and doing things in shorter and shorter time, like making money etc. etc. its really about community. its really about people and not self. its about being open, honest. its like a family. its slow because material is not something that worth a lot to chase. yeah

im learning, im living. i'm smiling =)

You keep me safe in a crazy world.
1:51 p.m.

i cannot wait to do things again, to serve, to be invovled in youth ministry again
i cannot CANNOT wait!!!
i'm so excited. i'm just so excited.
tonight was the most amazing and meaningful gathering ever.

we look at God's word, we shared our lives, what we thought.
what we've been through in our lives. thinking about His word and trying to figure it out and not just go "oh so its like this, alright i'll just abide by it". like... wow you know.. wow. just sitting there, taking time to think, to understand God's word, to have community help you.

and what blew me away were the different opinions everyone had to share. it all sounds so abstract but it was everyone's opinion and it all made sense in the end. there's no 'pai-seh-ness' about sharing and then trying to think whether someone's going to shoot you down or try to override your opinion or no one would want to hear your opinion. its just... everyone just shares. no matter where you are in your walk of life. you just share.

and just praying for one another was amazing. it really was =)

and tonight i realise how much enthusiasm i have for the youth. like really. just being a part of their lives, to stir something you know. to see them be passionate for God. for He's truely what we all should be wanting and giving all the praise. To be thankful. to be living it out for Him. wow. you know wow. and i found myself right at the beginning again. just talking about how i want to help, bringing new ideas.

they've got about 13 actively coming youth. that's not a lot to me because of where i come from. but they're there and they love God :) its time to stir up something. to work with the few, and eventually bring the good news to people out there. to start from humble beginnings. to learn to serve in the walls of the church before going out there.

its really... amazing. i still think it is. that now i'm here. and thank God that now i can be part of something so small and raw. and... just be part of the building process if i can. just... thank God for me being so enthusiastic haha really... i really couldn't stop sharing with Sean about how i was missing the sec 1s back home, the experiences back home in the youth ministry.

its time to be a part of God's awesome plans in this church =) its time to step out and do something. now, more than ever, is the time.

community, love, service. and most of all, pointing it all to God in the end.

You keep me safe in a crazy world.
1:33 p.m.

In A Cave

I fell into a cave
a big one
a huge one
and i'm still falling

i'm still falling
and i'm looking around
vines!
my chance of survival

i grab one
a nice thick one
surely i know i can climb
upwards outwards

clinging onto a vine
it's growing thinner each second
slipping slipping
but still gripping tightly

too tight and it may break
too lose and i may fall
let go?
and keep falling, falling

falling.

You keep me safe in a crazy world.
5:50 a.m.

living and experiencing are awesome things... they really are!

thanks to facebook you get a peek at other people's lives by looking at pictures, reading comments etc. etc.

i admit that i love browsing through pictures of my friends and like to see what's been happening in their lives =)

and in my head i get all kinds of reactions:
"aww... so cute =)"
"what...the..."
"tsk, i wish i was there too"
"HAHAHAHA!" or "hahaha"
"that... is... not right..."
"why?"
"wow..."
"so not fair..."
so on... and so forth... not anything extravagant.

i could sit here all day...

You keep me safe in a crazy world.
11:42 a.m.

i miss you guys...

a lot.

too much.

the innocent fun back in singapore.
the community, the ease of everything.

then again i grew up with it, i'm used to IT.

(deep sigh) i miss you guys. a lot... too much.

rugby, singing, school, oneyouth, family...

i miss you guys. really.

You keep me safe in a crazy world.
1:18 p.m.

dont you just wish people sometimes went back to the way they were?
the way they used to be?
or the way that... they were actually happy being themselves?

i do.

but people change. why?
do you ever wonder what pivitol point in their lives caused the change?
how they went off the innocent-pure-happy road into an artificial happy one?
how they just kept going down that road... not looking back,
but as they go further they want to go back...but its getting harder?

i do.

but... people change.
and that's... life.
people change when they realise that they have to or they want to. and then they do.
socital pressures etc. what-have-you
people. change.

and that's that.

You keep me safe in a crazy world.
11:37 a.m.

its hard...

its hard.

to be in this... alone.

couped up in a room...
retreating in a familiar place rather than the unknown world outside.

help.

You keep me safe in a crazy world.
4:11 a.m.

i feel... weird.

i'm excited... but i feel weird still.

i just moved into my new room, it looks awesome haha. moved all my stuff in, unpacked and all. there's stuff happening tomorrow and the next day...

its hard. it still is.

i feel like i dont really fit in. that's the honest most honest thing i'd say i'm feeling right now...

i'm neither here nor there. not really a full fledged asian, niether a canadian at heart.

i must say this is really awkward. its the asian blood kicking in... the awkwardness of being in a new place... trying to make new friends... who you want to be comfortable with in an instant...

people here are friendly... EVERYONE HERE IS... yeah...

i can so imagine people just telling me to just open up and everything and i totally agree... and im trying to. but its not as easy as it seems.

funny how a social creature falls into such awkward and shy moments...

i pray that i make nice friends...

You keep me safe in a crazy world.
12:21 p.m.