victoria
christian
eighteen
17th May 1990

Psalm 51:12
Restore to me the joy of your salvation
and grant me a willing spirit,
to sustain me.

Proverbs 16:9
In his heart a man plans his course,
but the LORD determines his steps.




BIO 190A Final Exam - 14 Dec 09
Christmas! - 25 December
Back to school - 4 Jan 09

im really tired of asking and trying...
maybe its just bad timing
or am i trying too hard, finding,
something that isn't there.

perhaps i shouldn't bother minding
because sometimes it gets frustrating
although time to time i'm always hoping
for something that isn't there.

seriously, victoria, stop this rhyming
at such an unearthly unapt timing
you knew this before deciding
about something that wasn't there.

i guess its always the sad ending
so much for having dreams and pretending
so much for having time worth spending
on something that wasn't there.

You keep me safe in a crazy world.
12:01 a.m.

people... are complex.
yes, its an obvious, brainless statement.
people ARE complex.
in emotion, thought, being... EVERYTHING.

its just so hard to understand one person. or like a few, maybe.

hard to decipher what they are thinking, what they want, what they are trying to say.

i must say i am guilty of playing games with people... to try and get something across.
you know... when you wanna say something or want someone to do something but you don't wanna say it out right because it makes you sound so desperate or the other person might think there's something going on, or its just not very nice... well we've all been there and tried (DON'T DENY)

people are hard to understand and i feel that its a skill to understand people and how to act or react in given situations (e.g. when the person expresses anger or frustration, when the person is silent and would rather not talk etc.)

i find it interesting the way people... act differently in front of different people (you can refer to my nov 12 post). and if we are able to understand the real person behind all these faces, you'd probably be able explore the person more and know what makes the person tick or what to say in front of the person instead of offending the person.

i guess all this talk is from experiences with different people.
some are more different that others when it comes to a comparison between the group and individual setting. some are a consistent character, with slight changes.
some... are idiots. (sorry just this one person so far is being an idiot....)
some are genuine and i love these kinda people.
some prefer to talk about things that are superficial and only go skin deep.
some are deceiving...misleading...etc. i shall not continue on this one.
some are... just awesome to be with.
and i mean all the different types so on and so forth.

just a random question:
how far does genuine love go in a fake superficial world? between people that is.
*shrug*
but i do believe its possible. yeah.


update on my life after A's...
BUSY! BUSY! BUSY!
hahaha amazingly. i mean its a good thing i'm keeping myself occupied. but still it's tiring.
but hey, its better than nothing =)
wanna catch up with all you people i haven't caught up with. drop me like an sms or call me or something if i've missed ya! (of if you miss me =D)
well anyway i'll get around to you...
movie time with myself... =D
till the next lengthy post.

You keep me safe in a crazy world.
10:31 p.m.

what is love.
what is it?

between
God-human
parent-child
girl-boy
man-women
friend-friend
man-object/hobby???
etc.

unconditional, romantic, emotional, hard, painful, sweet, cute, hurtful, undeserved, patient, kind, understanding, forgiving, delicate, gentle, harsh, unimaginable, indescribable, awesome.

i seriously need to fill the holes of the past.

WAKE UP VIC.
wake up.

Psalm 100:4-5
"Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name. For the LORD is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations."

You keep me safe in a crazy world.
12:02 a.m.

listening to Blind by Lifehouse

"after all this time
I never thought we'd be here
never thought we'd be here
when my love for you was blind
but I couldn't make you see it
couldn't make you see it
that I loved you more than you'll ever know
a part of me died when I let you go"

ah, its just making me feel all emo...
the feeling i don't wanna feel.

You keep me safe in a crazy world.
12:19 a.m.

as i was walking up the hill tonight
after the loooong mrt ride from simei
after having fun with the guys at 'eighteen chiefs'

i was thinking about this question:
"Who are you?"
weird i know... but really ask yourself, who are you.

do people really know... you
or do they know "you"

i asked myself this strange question after thinking about people and their mannerisms and the way they act, how it contributes to the way they are etc. that kinda stuff
and after 'analyzing' this caucasian guy in the mrt then i finally asked myself the question.

who do people think i am?
is it a reflection of who i think i am?
or are we different in different people's eyes?

speaking about myself, i don't know if i've ever shown a complete self to any one person
or i'm not sure if i have
its always most or bits and pieces but not all

its like... you treat people they way you treat them according to who they are
its like i talk to A about life and love but i might not talk to B about it because B's not that kinda person. or i talk to C about God but i don't really talk about Him with D because D's not interested.

wouldn't it be awesome if you could sorta reveal yourself to someone completely.
to give the full picture and not just a piece of the puzzle
to be yourself.
to be YOU.
and not "you"

for me... i'd say i've been a consistent character with all my friends... i think.
just that some get more sides of me than others.
yeah. but i'm still the same old chatty, talkative, sometimes annoying, optimistic, loud, happy vic =)

oh well. just... think about it.

who are you?

You keep me safe in a crazy world.
11:19 p.m.

1 John 2:15-16 "Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For everything in the world—the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has and does—comes not from the Father but from the world."

You keep me safe in a crazy world.
7:19 p.m.

"All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players:
They have their exits and their entrances;
And one man in his time plays many parts,
His acts being seven ages." - William Shakespeare


All the world's a stage, and we are all merely players.
We play our parts so well, everyone in sync with one another.

But when one misses a line or stumbles, we fail, we fall.
The show, would be done for,
Our parts of no use. All because of one silly mistake.

But when we play our parts well, after comes the applause.
The genuine, yet admittedly jealous, applause,
For our hard work and effort, for not making a mistake.
For the constant meticulous checking, for the rules we do not break.

But what if I get off this stage
And decide to abandon this fake, phony act.
To be not a player, not an actor, but me.
Me.

Like an actor with no lines, no expectations.
No rules to follow, no asides or quotations.
To be who you want to be, without having to play A part.

Ah, but all the world's a stage, and we the 'willing' players,
To play our parts in line with all while we hide our silent prayers.

You keep me safe in a crazy world.
6:22 p.m.