victoria
christian
eighteen
17th May 1990

Psalm 51:12
Restore to me the joy of your salvation
and grant me a willing spirit,
to sustain me.

Proverbs 16:9
In his heart a man plans his course,
but the LORD determines his steps.




BIO 190A Final Exam - 14 Dec 09
Christmas! - 25 December
Back to school - 4 Jan 09

i have not posted in AGES.
ah well haha.
always wanted to but just didn't feel like doing it at that moment.

soo much is on my mind right now.
soo much is going to come up.
soo much is happening.

the guilt

the irrelevance

the annoyance

the fading
the wanting

the curiosity

the agony

the fear

the excitement

its just too much to handle.

i came back from krabi/bangkok a few days ago and have been in school for orientation stuff these past 2 days. its been...hectic? and i haven't finished my school work AT ALL.
and i have not revised.
i'm not joking.
i'm not mugging at home like i do in school if that's what you guys think hahaha!
christmas was kinda cool haha =) i got this really cool pendant from my aunt.

its just SO nice.

and now onto some issues...

you. i really don't know what to say. seriously. she's told me to take you out to lunch but i just can't do it. i just can't. i don't want to stir up anything. to me we're friends and that's all what i want to be. but the guilt of saying that to you. i don't know why i think this much but really, i just can't do it. i mean... its really sweet of you and all but...but. i don't know what to do with you.

you. i'm just SO annoyed. i don't know why but you give me this feeling. this FEELING. i am (or maybe was) your friend. are you really trying too hard to please? that's what it looks like to me. i already drained myself of any negative thoughts i have of you AND i've lightened up. have you? i honestly don't know. really. i don't know. i don't want to be bother but i can't help but be bothered.

You. i don't know why i'm slipping away. my time spent with You is just decreasing so much. it used to be more. but that time was still so little. sunday is just NOT ENOUGH. i want to believe. i want to. so much. songs are empty if you dont believe. i pray that i may not fall out.

you. i'm so so so sorry for being so rude. i dont know why im so rude to you sometimes. sigh. i guess you just shoot at the people you're closest too. but sometimes you can just be soo annoying and irritating. but you see if i am rude i know you have a hard time because you also have another rude one to deal with. i dont want to be.

you. i miss you so much. i havent talked to you in ages. AGES. i mean i saw you and all but no talk. i mean we practically know each other so well. but i dont know how you are now. ever since i came out of high, i havent seen you. i dont know if you like it now. it seems like you're having fun. but i don't know. fun? i want you to be happy.

(please do not assume you are the "you". this is not for the "you"s anyway.
this is for me to just let it out in the vaugest way possible)

and a last one! hahaha

you!!! you promised me dinner at Blooie's tonight! tsk tsk tsk. hahaha
so much for that hahaha..

ah. all (kinda) let out.

holiday homework...AHHHH...
my nightmare.

chao =D

You keep me safe in a crazy world.
7:55 p.m.