victoria
christian
eighteen
17th May 1990

Psalm 51:12
Restore to me the joy of your salvation
and grant me a willing spirit,
to sustain me.

Proverbs 16:9
In his heart a man plans his course,
but the LORD determines his steps.




BIO 190A Final Exam - 14 Dec 09
Christmas! - 25 December
Back to school - 4 Jan 09

home.
a place where you're suppose to be able to relax. feel the warmth of family. where you feel loved and safe.
God, that's such a lie sometimes.
a single complaint can make everything go wrong. just because you say what you normally would say, its a big deal and you get labelled "grumpy". trying to spoil everyone's comfort.
we'll S O RRRR Y.
i might as well just lock myself in my room.
huh. if i even had a room to lock myself in without ruining YOUR comfort.

and yesterday talking about birthday presents. how nice.
"oh i owe zander a birthday present."
"you oew zander a present? that's surprising."
"and what did we get vic for her birthday? oh i don't know."
"oh well she's got her bag now."
"oh i got $50 dollars for my birthday!"
a bag that was suppose to replace my old ruined one. something that i needed. something that was suppose to be bought. you see the difference between want and need.
and after i get mocked for giving my friends birthday gifts. gifts that you can never find anywhere.

even listening is a problem.

why do i even bother. i don't care about presents. or no. i don't care because i know i won't get what i want. maybe its because to me a birthday has just become a day. a day we all just grow older. why we need to celebrate? i don't know. why am i making a big fuss of things.

maybe this is why im labelled "grumpy".

COMPLAINING TOO MUCH.

complaining too much because im a stupid girl who is useless and doesn't do anything constructive but goes out everyday and runs around hanging around the mall and who can't handle her money because she spends it like crazy. and also who's demands are just too expensive or too much to even grant.

well you know what.

im going to stop.

stop taking your money from you.
stop caring.
stop giving a shit about anything.
just stop.
i'll be quiet.
i'll be good.

be a mama/papa's girl for the freakin rest of my teenage life. which i have been.

the shit that is so called precieved as my shit that im pulling will stop now.

You keep me safe in a crazy world.
7:23 p.m.