one day i was humming tunes to myself and i just said this "all i want for christmas is you" and i remembered this song haha. love it! enjoy! its All I Want For Christmas Is You by Mariah Carey (this is before she went into R&B and all)
You keep me safe in a crazy world. 10:28 p.m.
scribbles/ Wednesday, November 29, 2006
i can't believe i'm blogging at this hour. well i just felt like it...
first things first... I HAVE NOT BEEN BITING MY NAILS FOR A WEEK AND ITS DRIVING ME CRAZY. as you all know, i bite my nails. and it just really gets to me if i see them long. but i bought this dark blue nail polish from the face shop which i want to use so i'm doing this just to put on that nail polish. after that...its back to biting! okay, that just sounds sick and disgusting but... i can't help it? he he he.i'll try to stop.
today, or rather yesterday because its like 12:53am already, was mel's 16th birthday dinner. her birthday's on 2 Dec and i won't be in Singapore then! well, i just know i'll get her an awesome gift from Bangkok and then she'll get her belated present on the 8th on the bus to church camp haha. we went to Marche at suntec city but i left early after dinner. i heard they went to the esplanade haha! must have been real fun.
today, and i mean today 29 Dec, is nic's birthday! HAPPY BIRTHDAY Nikki! again... i'm going to give her a belated present [sorry nic =(] coming back from Bangkok and then she'll get her present on the 8th. its so unlike me to give belated presents. but...well i can't give the no time excuse either. and then there's julian. i can so imagine him tagging "glad you remembered" or something like that hahaha.
birthdays birthdays... well this year my birthday wasn't anything extravagant. i just went out with julian and jeremy and had a great time haha. yea. and then to come home and have a mango cake. events in between don't need to be elaborated on. well i guess this year was kind of special haha come to think of it...mmm yeah it was. now i'm smiling to myself haha. yesterday i was on the bus and we were going to bugis, or was it coming back, and suddenly i smiled to myself remembering something and jo spotted me haha. oh well i guess sometimes when you look back there's just so much happy things that you remember.
i'm going to Bangkok this Saturday. i have to start packing soon. and i have to make a few lists. 1. Christmas presents list 2. clothes shopping list 3. craft material list when i think of more lists i'll note them down, that's all for now.
yesterday, i realised that i'm quite different from the rest. i mean who the hell isn't? well that's what i think. the elaboration on this might sound a little stupid soi'm not gonna type it out just yet until i've figured out what to actually say. well the statement itself is also ab it... stupid. mmm.
today, later at 9am i'll be going to the gym at bukitbatok because i want to. i think i ate too much at marche and i had chocolates today too haha so i'm gonna work out. i'll run tomorrow. 5k? well that's the target for tomorrow. maybe. but nothing less than 3k. yup. and then we'll go for nic's lunch! haha birthday lunch.
how something so special to others can seem so insignificant
how people can feel out of place even with the people they are comfortable with
how the people you love can be so insensitive yet you love them
You keep me safe in a crazy world. 12:48 a.m.
scribbles/ Monday, November 27, 2006
hey I have not blogged in a while... I've just been having too much fun to just stop and sit here to blog haha. well these days i've been going to the gym regularly with mel and once without and we went swimming the other day too. man i have to travel SO far just to get there. i live at harbourfront and the gym is bukit gombak! oh well haha preparing for the first 3 months travelling time hahaha. well i applied for MI last week. for those idiots who don't know what MI is its Millenia Institute. applied to attend the institute for the first 3 months. and mel's gonna be there too haha.
well i've been quite bored these few days... so bored i have to resort to watching princess hours, which i find really cute anyway haha, and walking around vivo countless times... well i've found a sweater i really like haha its almost as if i visit it everyday hahaha okay that's just spastic. oh well haha =D. i bought this dark blue nail polish the other day. oh and recently blue is so my colour. when i went swimming with mel i didn't realise that my towel was dark blue, my painted index finger nail was dark blue and my swimming costume was dark blue. hahaha. lame yes i know, well the boredom is just driving me crazy. and all the travelling too!
well i've been trying to find a job. really really trying. so far i've come across carl's jr, baleno, no signboard seafood restaurant, coffee bean and thai express. waiting for replys and going to check out coffee bean and sentosa tomorrow. and i might be working with zhihan or something haha he just finished his bob the builder job thing and now he's looking for a job as well. so we're helping each other. god, is finding a job so hard!?! yes it so is.
mm and this Saturday i'm going to be flying off to Bangkok for a family holiday and then right after i come back i'll be going got church camp and right after that i'll be attending netball umpire courses.*inhale* i think i'm gonna drop dead those 2 weeks of december. and then there's class chalet and stuff and then Altitude and before December there's mel and nic's birthday. *exhale* well i'm going to be so busy and yet i'm finding work too. well at least it fills up my days.
i'm listening to this song now I Miss You by Aaliyah. It really brings back..mmm memories haha.
it started with spiders. continued through the computer. it grew into something. then it stopped. there was silence. but eventually things got better. gifts were always precious. bike adventures always treasured. talking and laughing. unforgettable. always there. good times. and still are. haha =). and now the best friend. like the moon that illuminates the night sky.
haha yea that's all.
You keep me safe in a crazy world. 8:32 p.m.
scribbles/ Friday, November 24, 2006
here's a song i just wanted to put because its one of my current favourites. its Be Be My Love by Racheal Yamagata.
you might want to pause my music player before playing the video.
You keep me safe in a crazy world. 12:00 a.m.
scribbles/ Thursday, November 23, 2006
i'm here haha.
i can't believe i'm here blogging again because i'm not really a regular blogger or anything. maybe i just have lots to say haha. mmm.
well yesterday i went to the gym(which is at bukit gombak!) in the morning because i just felt like it. i went alone without mel. well it was a great workout and all haha and when i was stretching i saw melissa, mel's sis. i left when she came in. apparently mel went to her drama elective programme audition at acjc well hope she gets it because drama is just her thing and she really memorised the both scripts really well haha.
i had lunch with my mum and her collegues haha it was quite funny. first one of them commented on my face haha said i had a nice face shape and all. then one of them wanted me to rip my mum off her money haha but obviously i refused because i just don't do that. and they compared my height to the rest. typical hahaha.
after i walked to YMCA to find out about the dances classes there. apparently its not a schedule based system and the sessions start when the group signs and pays up. so i called up nic and asked her to gather people haha. yup. well we'll see.
when i FINALLY got home, i was on my com for about 2 hours or so haha. was messaging a friend as well, talking about the first 3 months of next year and finding a job during the holidays. haha he suggested finding a job and sentosa haha so its convient and i said i would go down there to find out today but i'm a little lazy haha haven't really rested this whole week. then i said if i find a job then he can apply as well then we can work together! hahaha. cycle in for free =D haha. and i was telling him how i was going to the gym and riding my bike these past few days and he thought i was training for a marathon. im just training just for the fun of it haha because i want to. and i'd play for the netball team for the school i'm in for the next few years and stuff haha. and maybe if there wasn't netball, i'd join women's touch rugby or something if they have it haha.
in the evening i went to watch a movie, just friends. it was not bad haha. ryan renolds never fails to amaze me haha. "i swear by the moon and the stars and the sky..." hahahaha god the movie was just so funny. and a little sick haha. after, went for dinner. i ate fish porridge AGAIN. 3 times this week. and i havent really been eating properly..mmm well i should start eating properly again. walked around vivo deck for a while and then i went home.
vauge haha.
well yesterday i was feeling guilty and all but now i feel so much better haha. =D thanks to jk haha. although there are still twinges haha. well i'll just learn to RELAX.
i don't know what i'm going to do today. i might go walk around vivo city with claire just for the fun of it because she wants to. i'm being uber nice to my sister today. and the feeling is good =) haha. oh well she is my sister.
oh yeah zan just got back from polo camp and now he's off to camp teen camp or something haha and he won't be home till monday. awww. mm but its okay i guess because i won't be disturbed over the phone in the wee hours of the night haha.
mm that's all for now. =)
You keep me safe in a crazy world. 1:31 p.m.
scribbles/ Tuesday, November 21, 2006
to 2 people out there
this is getting ugly
i am NOT on any one's side, i have to make this VERY CLEAR.
you guys have to settle this because i feel the tension.
BIG TIME.
and its not a very good feeling to know that i have to struggle between you both
please settle this and be done with it.
just stop.
before i bring you guys into a room and scream and say things i don't want to say.
hint: its a two way and not a one way. it takes two hands to clap. so if one is not clapping with the other then please figure out why one is not clapping.
i don't know if i'm making sense but all i want is to see you two happy.
sigh.
You keep me safe in a crazy world. 11:27 p.m.
just felt like blogging today. hmm today i got at around 9 but i lay in bed till 10am...aunty eilsa came over to my house today. haven't seen her in ages! haha she used to live upstairs. this morning my body was aching from working out at the gym in the morning yesterday with mel. but still it was good haha, so i did a little stretching to counter the pain haha and it works for the rest of the day. then, i went to school for the PAE briefing haha it was quite...short. it was only 30 minutes long haha and i like walked all the way to school just for that. jeremy was a little (a "little") spontaneous today haha mmm then again jeremy always is. jer, jul, kelwin and i went to watch Step Up today. it was fantastic haha especially the soundtrack. yup. i've always had a thing for these dance movies like Take The Lead, Honey and You Got Served. seen all of them, love all of them haha. dancers are hot =D hahaha. mmm...when i came back i decided to go for a cycle. AGAIN. i went for a cycle to the esplanade on the 16th and today i was out cycling around mount faber and telok blangah. try cycling up mount faber on a narrow road going all the way up and you can't move from left to right. feel the BURN. hahaha but i must say reaching the top was good. the scenary at the top never fails to amaze me. well and whizzing down the hill is just the best part of the whole journey. i kept crossing the road everytime i made a sharp turn down the hill haha. damn lucky to not have some car driving down behind me. cycled around telok blangah and then to bukit purmei to buy my favourite waffle! haha i had it with peanut butter this time. i just love that bakery's waffles. i used to buy it all the time after school. when i was still schooling at radin mas. then i cycled back home. carried my bike up the stairs, changed my shoes and came down again to shoot hoops haha. amazingly my 1st and second ring shots are perfect. i mean i can get all the shots in from infront of the net and one big step away from the net. and! i've discovered i do better shooting far distance with one hand haha!...mm and i'm still good at trick shots too. =D. when i went in to drink some water it started to rain and i did my stretches and push ups at the steps. really really fun day. i'm thinking of going to the gym tmr morning or something. maybe haha. oh yes and i've finally rubbed off the aire tattoo i got from the scc rugby sevens.
crossed the line? crossing the line?
more than friends? just friends?
huh.
yeah thats about it. =)
You keep me safe in a crazy world. 8:35 p.m.
scribbles/ Sunday, November 19, 2006
home. a place where you're suppose to be able to relax. feel the warmth of family. where you feel loved and safe. God, that's such a lie sometimes. a single complaint can make everything go wrong. just because you say what you normally would say, its a big deal and you get labelled "grumpy". trying to spoil everyone's comfort. we'll S O RRRR Y. i might as well just lock myself in my room. huh. if i even had a room to lock myself in without ruining YOUR comfort.
and yesterday talking about birthday presents. how nice. "oh i owe zander a birthday present." "you oew zander a present? that's surprising." "and what did we get vic for her birthday? oh i don't know." "oh well she's got her bag now." "oh i got $50 dollars for my birthday!" a bag that was suppose to replace my old ruined one. something that i needed. something that was suppose to be bought. you see the difference between want and need. and after i get mocked for giving my friends birthday gifts. gifts that you can never find anywhere.
even listening is a problem.
why do i even bother. i don't care about presents. or no. i don't care because i know i won't get what i want. maybe its because to me a birthday has just become a day. a day we all just grow older. why we need to celebrate? i don't know. why am i making a big fuss of things.
maybe this is why im labelled "grumpy".
COMPLAINING TOO MUCH.
complaining too much because im a stupid girl who is useless and doesn't do anything constructive but goes out everyday and runs around hanging around the mall and who can't handle her money because she spends it like crazy. and also who's demands are just too expensive or too much to even grant.
well you know what.
im going to stop.
stop taking your money from you. stop caring. stop giving a shit about anything. just stop. i'll be quiet. i'll be good.
be a mama/papa's girl for the freakin rest of my teenage life. which i have been.
the shit that is so called precieved as my shit that im pulling will stop now.
You keep me safe in a crazy world. 7:23 p.m.
let me summarise these past fews days since after the amath paper in 3 simple words.
FUN. TIRING. AWESOME.
well let me start with after amath p2.
i came home and while walking home i decided to go for a bike ride...to the esplande haha. yup, so when i got home, i took of my shoes, changed and as i was about to step out of the door, IT RAINED. and my plans were ruined. or so i thought. after about 15 to 20 minutes the rained stopped. it was more of a light shower. but it was a heavy. okay that just sounds weird so i'll just say it rained. when the rained stopped i pumped up the tires of my bike, brought it down and cycled! the feeling was just great. being able to get out of the house on such a nice day, just enjoying on my own. it was just awesome. i cycled to outram and then past river valley. well i got stuck there for around an hour i think because i was trying to find a way to get to the esplanade. trying to remember the way there. but it was quite interesting cycling around river valley because there were all the shop houses and closed restaraunts. they looked really cool and the exterior design of the place from the along the river was just fabulous as well as the bridges. finally, i figured my way to the esplanade haha when i reached there i cycled for a little while to the cricket club and past the "Our Glorious Dead" memorial and stuff. there was no one around. not even the skaters i used to see that usually hung around there when i came back from tennis training when i was younger. then i went to the merlion. apparently if you stand too close to it, you'll get really wet haha. i called my dad like to just say hi because i was right outside his workplace but he told me he just reached home haha oh well. when i was on the opposite side, on the fullerton hotel side, there was this women who came up to me while i was cycling. she told me her name was maggie and she asked how old i was. "16" and she looked and me and went "oh haha, well i'm starting a sports and wellness business but i'm looking for some that's 21." and i was like okay but i'm 16. hahaha. mmm. well i cycled back to outram and i had a drink outside my school. it was around 5:05pm and i decided to wait for the people taking pure chem so i could say hi to them but i couldn't because i wanted to get back in time to go to the ice skating rink at jurong.
....okay i just came back from dinner.
in no mood to blog about my fun past few days.
i'll do it some other time.
that's all.
You keep me safe in a crazy world. 6:30 p.m.
scribbles/ Tuesday, November 14, 2006
mm i'm just popping by...just alittle insight on what's going on with my life now...
1. currently i'm in the middle of the O' Levels. well not EXACTLY in the middle but i have 2 PAPERS LEFT!!! haha i'm sorry i just had to do that, you don't know how excited i am to know that its going to end soon. A. Math 02 ------------------ 16/11/06 9.00am - 11.00am Combined Science 01 ------ 16/11/06 8.00am - 9.00am
2. i don't know what to do. i was there. i saw. i know the link. there is no nice way to explain.i am worried.for this and other reasons.i want to run away from all this but i can't because i know.can't you tell how vauge i'm being.its already bad enough that its gotten to this.like a mother trying to help her children, i want to separate this.but its going to be hard. VERY hard. but i'll try till i can't.
3. dilemma? or is this a lil' one-sided. it seems like the both of you pop up at the same time everytime. there always when needed. but both VERY different. cool versus spontaneous. interesting.but i guess my mind is pretty much made up.although there are still twinges here and there.why? well because its different now. SO different.
4. the people so close. the people i love. why do you fight? everyday. have you had enough? bicker bicker bicker. its almost a routine! stop! being 5 minutes late is an issue. God. i'm just going to try and be silent, although deep down inside i'm crying but i have no choice because there is nothing i can do about it. although i see you guys every night.
yup that's pretty much it. sigh.
You keep me safe in a crazy world. 7:58 p.m.
scribbles/ Saturday, November 11, 2006
photos of before.and it all just passes by...
when everything was fun.
when we were tired but still smiled.
when we ate outside kfc.
when i tied my hair like that.
when we wore the same colour.
when i wore the beaded string belt i made.
when we dressed opposite.
when we were all sweet and innocent haha.
when everyone was here.
when aunty beth was still with me.
when everything used to be good.
when i wore a dress.
when i was at the zoo.
when i was with the guys in the sea!
when i used to carry that big bio file! (but its over!)
when i used to study in school hehe.
when i used to train at kallang.
when i had nothing to do.
when we were at sentosa.
when we stopped in korea.
when i was on the last train.
when we reunited!
when i was crazy.
when we were crazy.
when i got a peanut butter facial!
when we were inseparable.
when we reunited for new year.
when we were a team =D.
when we were coming back from mount stong.
when i went out with julian and jeremy -_-.
when i was sunburnt after netball.
when i was in canada.
when we were the jy comm.
when i had short hair. (and when i had make up on yuck! hahaha)
when we were the gang!
when we were 2/6 =).
when we were together as neighbours.
when i was from 4/5.
when i was a kid.
all the good old times =). that i want to remember.
You keep me safe in a crazy world. 9:46 p.m.
jus wanted to share a song haha.
i came across it again after a long time, i think its really nice.
select it in the playist on the right to listen to it.
Ray Charles - You Don't Me
You give your hand to me And then you say hello And I can hardly speak My heart is beating so And anyone can tell You think you know me well But you don't know me
No, you don't know the one Who dreams of you at night And longs to kiss your lips And longs to hold you tight To you I'm just a friend That's all I've ever been No, you don't know me
I never knew the art of making love Though my heart aches with love for you Afraid and shy, I let my chance go by A chance that you might love me too
You give your hand to me then you say goodbye I watch you walk away Beside the lucky guy I know you'll never know The one who loves you so Well, you don't know me
For I never knew the art of making love Though my heart aches with love for you Afraid and shy, and I let my chance go by The chance that you might love me too
You give your hand to me And then you say goodbye And then I watch you walk away Beside that lucky guy Oh you'll never, ever know The one who loves you so No, you don't know me
I said, you'll never, ever know The one who loves you so Cause you don't know me No, you don't know me
You keep me safe in a crazy world. 12:21 p.m.
scribbles/ Thursday, November 09, 2006
new blog skin! God i just love it. (because i made it.)
well here's what's left. each day just gets better and better.
You keep me safe in a crazy world. 1:00 p.m.
scribbles/ Tuesday, November 07, 2006
just felt like posting a lil' something here.
firstly, whinnie threw away my dried roses =(!
well today i had my comb. chem paper, it was good haha. Thank God i was calm and relaxed to do the paper and knew most of the stuff i needed to know. AND i memorised the blast furnace processes the night before haha. yup. half the battle's over, there's still physics tomorrow. it usually pulls down my grade so i really hope i can do well =).
these few days of o level exams have been okay. compared to the lit paper i had last Tuesday, i feel much better now. calmer and more relaxed haha. mostly because of Julian and Jeremy [thanks guys =)] but now I'm the root of their nonsensical teases over a particular topic *rolls eyes* (you guys should know).
today I've been reading through the script of my favourite movie "10 Things I Hate About You". I've got the whole transcript on my computer haha. Well, its quite interesting how everyone in Pudua High is split up according to social status and how Kat Stratford, known to people in that school as a rampallian wretch, has strong indignations to the social frenzy of the people in her school. She is mostly outspoken and has her own convictions, not caring what other people think of her. [What a role model! hahaha]...well i love her character. It contrasts greatly with her sister, the pretty and cute girl which every guy wants but can't have because of their uptight father who's obsessed with the thought that the girls don't know what they want and if they date now they'll get impregnated and regret it for the rest of their life. He forbids them to date till they graduate, which is a house rule.
For some reason i think i know the script all too well haha because I've seen the movie like a dozen times and i still love it.
i slept this afternoon as well. caught up on some sleep because I've been so tired these past few days. but I'm still surviving!
once the o's are over, I'll have lots of things to do and lots of things to think about. its just a whole cycle of being busy again.
i remember the times in sec 2 or 3 where i used to be so busy and frustrated because i had so much things to do but little time to complete everything but i would try my best and i usually get i done. i'm really good at prioritising i guess haha. those times were bad though ...it was as if i wanted to do everything and i wanted to give my best for everything as well. i used to come home really tired form netball and to have to study for a test the next day of hand in an essay or some assignment. or I'd have to plan the next JY comm meeting's agenda and think of ideas and how to tie the whole event together but I'd be busy with other things to just even plan it. i used to be busy enough to ignore people. haha sad but its happened. maybe thats why when you get the things you love most that make you buys pulled away you realised what you've missed out. to be honest I've gotten closer this year with most people because now i have the time. I'm not in netball or in the jy comm anymore. so i had time. too much time? nah it was just nice haha. yup. Thank God =).
well I'll have to look through my physics notes once more tonight as well as English notes haha for formats and all. yup. wish me all the best for tomorrow? 3 papers ...ugh what a bore haha. Mmm ...but i know I'll do okay. Everything is in His hands and i know he made a way for me so whatever results i get will be His will for me, and i will be happy. i know i will be.
for all those having the English paper tomorrow and/or comb. physics paper, all th e best =) you guys will do fine. will pray for you guys too haha. yup.
i was just wondering if we should just scream like maniacs after the last paper hahaha. we should.
mmm well that's all for now.
=).
You keep me safe in a crazy world. 6:56 p.m.
scribbles/ Sunday, November 05, 2006
this was suppose to be posted at about 12.35am this morning.
i know. you don't know i know. but i know. someone told me. its a pity i'm not thinking about these kinda of things right now. eventually. we'll see.
You keep me safe in a crazy world. 7:49 p.m.
scribbles/ Friday, November 03, 2006
i'm tired.
tired of everything.
*closes eyes*
somtimes i wish i could turn back time.
how i long for a smile to be upon my face.
a real one.
not one i'm expected to give or show.
a real one.
at home, and where ever.
i know people are here for me,
but sometimes
even they are not enough.
it all comes down to me.
is stressed the word?
probably.
my pillow; the only comfort.
time is not gracious.
it passes, not waiting for anyone.
problems and issues need to be dealt with at instant.
not clearly or explicitly stated or expressed: vague promises.
2.
indefinite or indistinct in nature or character, as ideas or feelings: a vague premonition of disaster.
3.
not clear or distinct to the sight or any other sense; perceptible or recognizable only in an indefinite way: vague shapes in the dark; vague murmurs behind a door.
4.
not definitely established, determined, confirmed, or known; uncertain: a vague rumor; The date of his birth is vague.
5.
(of persons) not clear or definite in thought, understanding, or expression: vague about his motives; a vague person.
6.
(of the eyes, expression, etc.) showing lack of clear perception or understanding: a vague stare.
You keep me safe in a crazy world. 9:18 p.m.
hey i haven't been blogging for quite a while now...but i thought i'd just pop by and just blog for now since i'm here..
honestly i don't even know how many of you read this thing...it can be someone unknown or something who i know but i don't know if you're reading my blog..mmm sounds weird haha the way i put it but ya i really wonder who reads this thing...
anyway these few days have been..busy..studying is pretty much all i have to do now and all i should be thinking of to reach my goal for the o levels. jeremy says i've reached a critical level, thinking that studying is really making me stressed. we'll i'm okay so far....still surviving and my lit paper starts tmr...god.
these past few days its perfect weather and all and even TODAY!..yesterday i decided to just get off my butt and do something so at 6:30pm i went downstairs to shoot hoops. 7 long shots in a row i couldn't believe myself...and i could shoot more than that too..i'm not going to gloat about how good i am..because i don't think i'm good enough yet. i'm planning to train after the o's. train as in train up full body strength and skills. i just really want to do that. yup.
these few night i've been up really late...either chatting on msn, on the phone or just deciding to finished studying until around 1am...but now most of the time its talking on the phone till 2:30am haha!..its fun but really tiring..
gareth's birthday's this sunday!...and i have to spend time to make his present..haven't even gotten stuff yet. and julian present is like rotting at home...after the o's i'll give everything *promise*...i feel so bad...mmm long overdue presents are not good.
its the lit paper tmr.
o level lit.
...
these are the times where you just have to tell yourself that you will do your best and you will do well.
hard to believe but you have to.
for all those taking lit tmr, all the best! and today for those who took bio this morning?? i'm not sure, all the best for that too.
here are some thoughts running through my mind right now:
-this is scary, i don't know what is going to happen...for some reason i know but i don't...i'm usually not vague like this but i really don't know what's going on. eventually is not soon enough.-
-feelings are stirring. i don't know why. friend is usually what pops up but nowdays its been different. huh. we'll see.-
-the o levels. shit!!!-
-i can't wait for church camp...at the same time. i don't want to think of what might happen.-
-shit i have to sing this song...on saturday...damn..........i so don't want to sing it. really. inferiority is what i feel towards the listener.-
mm yup thats all for now.
oh yes i'm going to put up my time table here for the o's so you guys can wish me all the best? pray for me? well its up to you haha.
