victoria
christian
eighteen
17th May 1990

Psalm 51:12
Restore to me the joy of your salvation
and grant me a willing spirit,
to sustain me.

Proverbs 16:9
In his heart a man plans his course,
but the LORD determines his steps.




BIO 190A Final Exam - 14 Dec 09
Christmas! - 25 December
Back to school - 4 Jan 09

just decided to do this, each section is to different people and its personal so when you read it and you know its for you, ITS FOR YOU.

Person 1
hey there...its been a while since i've actually talked to you. i remember when we used to hang out at our secret places near your house and how we would find new places to talk and such. i miss those days. kinda haha. we'll i know i talk to you in school EVERY school day and we always have fun in class but i guess its been different from sec 2 till now. remember our phone call marathon till 5am!?! haha talking about fruits and countries haha good times good times..i wonder what's going through your mind right now. about the O levels? what JC you'll go into?...whatever happens i'm sure you'll make it whereever you want to go. you'll always be a best friend to me. no matter what haha even though i get bullied but the 3 of you in class, but still nothing can buy this friendship. NOTHING. i don't know if you'll read this or come across this but still i just wanted to type this first. =D

Person 2
damn, its been quite a while since i've sat down and talked to you. all the studying, prelims, here and there, everywhere. you always ask me if i want to go to church and study and i'll be like im in school. every time i feel so guilty because im not catching up with you..i don't know i just want you to know that i'm there for you no matter what! and if you need to talk to me i'm always here =)...i know you have lots to tell me haha i can so sense it..so hopefully i'll be able to catch up with you and we can TALK like never before. love ya!

Persons 3 and 4
i put you people together because both of you come in a pair haha sorta but both of you have an individual msg from me.
person 3: your really the best buddy ever. i know i can count on you to listen to my problems and everything and even though it may sound really stupid and all you still give me good advice and just lighten my burdern..always by making me laugh haha..i know you LOVE to pick on me, but hey if you didn't, i wouldn't be talking to you haha. ironcially i love it when you pick on me because it always makes me smile HAHAHAHA. your really so caring and so kind. and if she can't see it then damn her . opps sorry. well i really hope you get her eventually. and all the best for the N's! i know you'll make it =D
person 4: haha your a very cute person to be with and most of the time it s really fun to talk to you. i know i can depend on you for anything and i REALLY REALLY thank you for encouraging me to study and teaching me amath because you know i suck in it. you've always been a great buddy to talk to. always caring. no matter what happens just don't give up when studying for the O levels. don't be dishearted. i know you can do it and i know you can do so much better in the O's than the prelims. what you need to do is to believe in yourself. =D do the best you can!

for both of you...you've all the bestest friends. walking me home just because i forgot to top up my ezlink card and to the extent to make sure i take the mrt..you know what i mean. =) you guys make me smile. such special friends. and how lucky i must be to have you guys as friends.

Person 5
hey...i wonder how you're doing...you rarely ever come online and we don't msg anymore. well maybe once in a while but not often. i see you in school evryday unless your not sick or pontening...since the morning that we talked till now i've not heard from you..ever since during the prelims and after. how are you?...how's everything going? how are you feeling?...well i don't know maybe one day we need to have a good chat just like old times in the middle of the morning/night. well im thinking you can only do this after the O's because you need to study.
well i know you'll do fine =) i believe in you, always have. never give up on what you want to pursue.

Person 6
the most understanding person i know haha. you're there when i need you and im not really there for you when you need me haha for example when you want to talk about a certain girl...
mm but i know that you're always there for me. ALWAYS. we'll always wait at the foot of the hill to my house and talk and talk..how nice haha...we just stopped talking on the phone because of studies i guess...mm well...work hard for the O levels =) i know you can make it to where ever you want. don't let the pressure of your parents get to you or in particular your mum. you can do it.

here's a few ppl i just want to write to thats all.
the people will understand when they read it.

You keep me safe in a crazy world.
10:33 p.m.

Who am I?
by Casting Crowns

Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
Vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours

Who am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love and watch me rise again
Who am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
Vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
Vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours

I am Yours
Whom shall I fear
Whom shall I fear
'Cause I am Yours
I am Yours

You keep me safe in a crazy world.
9:22 p.m.

okay quick quick update

remember my predicted prelims results??
Prelim Result (Minimum)
English - B4
E.Math - B3
A.Math - C5
Biology - B4
Science(Phys/Chem) - B4
Humans (SS, Lit) - C5
CLB - Merit

L1R4 - 20
L1R5 - 25

yup now for the REAL result:
Prelim Result (Actual - UNMODERATED)
English - B3/B4 (not sure yet)
E.Math - A2
A.Math - E8
Biology - B4
Science(Phys/Chem) - C5
Humans (SS, Lit) - B3
CLB - Merit

L1R4 - 17/18
L1R5 - 25/26

well i know its not that good but i mean its a big improvement from mid year...sigh...i don't know if i can say that i can go for 1st 3 months in a JC because i've pretty much screwed my prelims...i really shouldn't rely on moderation. we ALL shouldn't.
mmm..if only i wasn't sick the day i took my amath p1..but hey i failed both papers anyway..
i'm going for this intensive a math revision thing..really hope it helps..i need to buck up..its my deciding factor of whether i go to JC or not..or maybe even a good poly?? i don't know..
i just know God has planned a way for me.

mmm also its the last day the normal stream people are stepping into the classrooms haha! all the best you guys!... in particular: SUFIAN!, max, royston chow, vincent, anyone else i know who's taking their N levels next week..ALL THE BEST you guys =).
i really hope you guys go to sec 5 and have a chance at the O level so you can pursue your dreams in whatever you want to do!.

tomorrow is Zan's birthday...how exciting.. =D
i really got to get is present done. NOW.
okay then haha thats all.

and now some photos of my recent days:

You keep me safe in a crazy world.
5:19 p.m.

what vic has consumed today(so far):

morning
7am - one slice of honeydew
10am - $2.00 worth of rice, one red curry chicken drumlet, a scoop of chilli tofu and a chilli fishball

afternoon
12.45pm - $1.50 worth of fishball noodle with a bowl of soup, one cup of cold milo
4.30pm - 70 cents worth of one packact of peel fresh orange juice

evening
5.45pm - a cup of grape juice and a big mandarin orange
6pm - one plate of rice, beef rendang, kang kong and ikan bilis
7pm - 4 chocolate chip cookies, one waffle with blueberry filling and one polar cream puff

the food consumption speaks a lot for itself.

You keep me safe in a crazy world.
7:35 p.m.

today is a good day! i went to church, went for second service too. the pastos's sermon was on the parable of the lost son. the son who came back after he squandered everything that he had that his father had given to him. and how's older brother was jealous because of the father recieving him back with open arms and throwing a big celebration for his return. the pastor was also talking about the people in prison, how there is God's prescene there. i wonder what it would be like to help them.

today we were shown the new youth centre the church has rented for us youths and it looks super cool!...i told sam i wanted to be in the committee for the youth centre project haha and it will look fab when we're all done!

i played frisbee today too!... gosh its been a long time and i love frisbee..i need to get the hang of the game after the o's so i can be a regular player at west coast every sunday haha they were thinking of playing night ultimate frisbee haha wooo count me in!

sigh...you guys cant see it but im freakin out over the o levels...and maybe even prelim results which are going to come out soon. im very scared, worried and whatever you can imagine. my mum was asking me the other day what if i cant make it to jc.....i was so upset i started breaking chopsticks during dinner as i spoke......
i want to go to a jc. and i want to do well for my o levels. i know my friends will be here for me, i know. but i mean...sigh
and the thing is i was thinking of dsaing or something because of my CCA record and the sportwomen award thing can get me in easily by netball...but i missed the dealine and i was so upset..i felt like i really screwed up...because my marks are not fantastic.
if i dont do well...where will i end up.
i know i shouldnt be thinking this way. =(
im on my own and its the effort that i put in that will decide my result.
i really want to know God's plan for me. what i should do after the o levels.
peopel always ask me "so where are you going to go after the o's, what are you going to do?"
and i might answer something like this "oh i want to go to SAJC. ya..and my dad is probably sending me to canada to study at Malaspina University-College when im 18."
what a big fat lie.
the lie would be that i actually dont know what i want. i dont know what i want to do.
i dont know if im sure.
i dont know.
and the o's are so important.
mmmm

You keep me safe in a crazy world.
8:38 p.m.

Breaking Chopsticks
first it started out all fine, pressure-free and wasting time
time flew, who knew, here it comes and we're screwed
asking questions, why why!, could we just drop dead and die
and not answer a ****ing thing, but just listen as we sing

as we start to break our chopsticks and when the pressure rises
just remember we want freedom like we used to have it
when we sit and sigh and cry, thats when we really want it
grab a chopstick and just break it, showing like you mean it

**** **** not again, questions questions, get me some gin
contemplating everyday what should you do, go out to play?
but you know the consequences, what if you dont get to make it
screw it, im just gonna do my thing so listen

as we start to break our chopsticks and when the pressure rises
just remember we want freedom like we used to have it
when we sit and sigh and cry, thats when we really want it
grab a chopstick and just break it, showing like you mean it

why the hell am i hear, writing this song, isnt it weird
more questions, more to come, why why just shut up!
i dont want to hear all this ,just go away and leave me please
i don't want to do this anymore, so i'll just end here.
there, no more.

You keep me safe in a crazy world.
11:03 p.m.

mmm im talking on the phone now with sufian and raj haha and its like 12.15am... we really had a FUN time just now haha a short trip to kinokuniya haha and just walking around orchard haha it was good!...

PICTURES PICTURES


these are not all the pics..they're taking too long to upload so im lazy hahaha...mmm anyway..today prelims just ended haha.. YAY...

You keep me safe in a crazy world.
12:19 a.m.

here's some good stuff:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QCsZdbfBuSY&mode=related&search=
(ruby pan is good and NOT the mr brown show...)

okay today i went to study with raj and sufian and moon jun eventually came along after a while..i came without any money..yea i know how stupid..but raj was nice enough to lend me some cash...
i was quite stubborn, the typical me with money...i hate to take ppl's money, borrow it, use it...everything yup haha..

in the end we studied a little and then i met sherwin ng hong ping today haha! haha tht short bugger..=D..oh well he's fine haha smsed him like the whole half day after i saw him...for some reason i think he's nicer than before like when i knew him in primary school haha maybe he's mroe mature or something but he's still as cheeky as before haha.

when i went home i ended up sitting in front of the com and then the tv...very bad...then i went for dinner at hbf..again...had fried rice with a checken cutlet on top yea tht was good haha..

i was watching house just now and it was abt the son and father..the son was about to die, well eventually..and the father is at his bed side and he said "you'll be fine, im not lying to you." then the son goes"i love you dad". "i love you too son." awwww ='( haha

well aunty beth wrote a letter to claire...she's been praying for me so that i do well in my o levels =')...i really miss her...

ive recently (well actually a few hours ago) set up my webcam haha so now i can use it during msn again haha...

i really don't know how im going to do for my amath and bio paper on monday...i think i'll screw up big time...because i dont know my stuff...sigh sigh...i really want to go for first 3 months..no use brooding over it but to work at it which is what im doing...i really have to work hard..HARD..

vic's picture of the real world
you are on your own. no one is there to help you. you learn by yourself. you get by by yourself. you provide for yourself. there is no one you can trust. no one. just yourself and your own conscience. friends? motvies are always questioned. at least one person hates you. people would do anything to make you below them. you snooze, you lose. you might be right but you will appear wrong. failure is unafforable. love is absent. money and greed centred. lies. cover ups. immorality is okay. vulgarities are fine. to be liked, never be higher. to be hated, always be the highest.you can never succeded without eliminating competition. material world. expectations.

ah whatever! hahahaha

You keep me safe in a crazy world.
10:12 p.m.

hey hey...today i had my lit paper..it was awesome i hope i do well =D and then i had my practical which i also thought was awesome but ended up shitty....i screwed up my physics practical..so ya...i screwed up AGAIN....i got like 1/15 for mid year...so i don't know..sigh haha

i studied after school today..raj and i competed doing this paper one of a sec 4 e math revision paper haha and we finished it in 1 hour...damn i realised how VERY careless i was..which is quite bad..so i guess the other one hour is for me to CHECK THROUGH in the exams..

mr wong was there again haha everyone was talking cock and stuff haha as usual. kendrick was with us too haha talked to him for a while when all the rest went to the gym.

mmm today was quite bad...sufian was so quiet!...it was just so wrong. hopefully he'll get this *hint* *hint* and wake up from his quietness..and SAY SOMETHING!
(yesterday i wrote the red passage because you guys were teasing too much about a certain topic and i realllllly hated it..yup thats all.)

walked down the hill with sufian raj and kendrick and we were all talking about the oh so funny THE HOST movie...then when kendrick and i headed for the mrt and raj and sufian for the bus stop i told kendrick more about the movie hahah it was really hilarious when we watched it but the cinema was so cold...

mmm im having my e math and chem tmr...wish me all the best...i really hope i ace my math..REALLY...and for chem..a B would be satisfying..

for someeee reason i think im getting fatter! please don't get me wrong im not going to whine about how im so fat bla bla bla like most girls usually do...its just that haha during the exam period ive been eating and eating and eating...even during studying i'll get SO irritated if i dont have anything to eat and i get really frusrated when im not eating anything...oh well...hope i dont gain too much wait so its difficult to lose later haha...

8pm...now off to study chem and math =D

You keep me safe in a crazy world.
7:54 p.m.

another day of exams...another dreaded day...well today was not bad..CLB!hahaha what a joke.
well anyways today i stayed back in school and was going through chem topics (mole concept and macromols) with mr wong, kendrick, gabriel and mark..it was fun haha is macromols we learnt that the carboxylic acid and alcohol have sex organs hahaha and amine has 2! hahaha...its complicated haha but WE [kendrick,gabriel and i] understand! hahaha.
thats mostly what happened after school today...CHEM CHEM CHEM...it was fun =D...talked about loads of other stuff too haha...

today i felt quite pissed off...well actually NOWADAYS i'm getting quite pissed off...
insult after insult, tease after tease
its been the same in class, with friends [all the different groups of friends] , in school..EVERYWHERE.
everytime i'll just bottle bottle bottle until one day the lid of the bottle will fly open with all the hot air coming out...i shall wait for that day...

today i was thinking about what would happen if i ended up in a hospital...who would be the first to visit me? who would be the last to leave at the end of the day? hahaha what morbid thoughts of being in a hospital.....but hey ppl realise that other ppl have lives too once something drastic happens to them...if nothing happens to you then you're just some person.
haha its ALWAYS been like this...we people have to really appreciate others more...mmmm

tomorrow i'm having my lit and science practical papers! whoppeee! i love lit haha i really hope i get at least a B? well...i hope =D...and for sci prac i really wanna do well because the mid year i FAILED like shit....yup...anyway haha wish me all the best =D!

oh yes and today mr alex wang...[i call him the wannger for some reason - influence from jeremy] he was giving us his insights about poly and jc and he was saying that a poly is better ad in poly students usually get the upper hand in uni...well hmm im still thinking abt it and i still really want to go to a jc, but i dont know...my mum says that a poly will be better...i really dont know.....if i go to poly i'll be REALLY interested to take Mass Comm or Audio Visual Sound Production stuff haha because i have the basics...mmm ahh....i will decide soon...so i'll just keep this here...concentrate on prelims....

OH OH AND AND! 2 new pics to add to my series...


how cute! hahaha sorry..i just had to say it..

You keep me safe in a crazy world.
9:54 p.m.

okay its been a while since i last put up a post...its the prelims preiod and everyone's mugging.....including me..i've just be so tired and everything haha.
lately i've been spewing lots of vulgarities........that i have realised and its already VERY BAD. i wish i could be like before...maybe the earlier half of this year...i didn't even dare scold or say any vulgarities because i believed that it was wrong. i still think its wrong. but they've been pouring out of my mouth like a running water tap, on full speed. its just really bad. i want to stop.NOW. [people out there, from now on if i say anything vulgar of any kind please feel free to slap me, wack me, pinch me, poke me..just whatever and guy or girl its okay.] well i want to stop. i don't even allow my brother to say them. so i continue to be a good example like before.

besides that...i've just been thinking about some stuff and i'm just going to make this list!

THINGS I WANT TO DO BEFORE I GO BACK TO SCHOOL IN 2007 (JC/INSTITUTE/POLY/etc.)
- lose weight (although i REALLY don't care, but still i want to haha but not now)
- sleep for a whole day [24hrs] right after the last O level paper
- to watch a midnight movie with a bunch of friends who are ALL 16!
- make sure i have EVERYONE'S phone no./contact
- buy a new bag (although my eyes have been sat on this big black nike one...)
- have the greatest time of my life!
- write a letter to each and every person i know for random reasons
- join a netball club team (probably EXTREMES? coach's club)
- to come back and train and help my netball juniors
- go for the first 3 months of JC/insitiute if i can....which i really hope i can
- to try and get my own room??? BIG maybe....
- to stop spewing vulgarites
- get a new funky hairstyle??? i don't know haha i want my hair to grow long.
- go out with the 6G, 2/6, 4/5, OBS, JY Comm, Spammers (one group at a time obviously haha!)
- to go out and have fun with friends...(like duh who doesn't want to do that)
- to cycle through the night..=D
- prepare the best christmas presents for everyone before christmas...
- go shopping like mad at Bangkok in December...i didn't go in May this year..that really sucked

i'll leave the list at there...i'll think up of more things for sure hahaha..
yup so thats about it.

the english paper was okay yesterday and the ss and physics papers today was better than expected haha...i really thought i would somehow or rather flunk both but they were okay...
i'm currently targetting for this...well the most partical targets haha but if i can do better i'll definately do better.

Prelim Result (Minimum)
English - B4
E.Math - B3
A.Math - C5
Biology - B4
Science(Phys/Chem) - B4
Humans (SS, Lit) - C5
CLB - Merit

L1R4 - 20
L1R5 - 25

yup, i know its like pretty low standard and stuff but for me...i guess its something to work for..i'm planning to go to at least an institute for the first 3 months. yup =)..wow okay i just realised i actually know what i want to do...okay okay haha i'll stop here...and please no stupid comments..

You keep me safe in a crazy world.
6:41 p.m.

AUDIO CLASS!!!

AUDIO CLASS MODULE
- EQ, Volume, Effects, Compression
- The art and the science of music
- Source, Mixing, Listening
- Microphones, Amplifiers
- Mixing Consoles

Dates: 9, 16, 23, 30 September 2006
Time: 1:30pm - 2:30pm
Venue: GMC Sanctuary

=D i'm so excited about the new audio class haha =D i can add on to what i already know and everything...wheeee...for those who don't know i do audio and sound in church..its something like PA...but its just way cooler haha yup =D...can't wait!

You keep me safe in a crazy world.
10:13 p.m.

school, prelims, o levels, sister, mother, father, friends, teases, attitude, people, frustration, being a listener, doing this and that, showing concern, unappreciation, crap, hate.

die off.

damn it.

You keep me safe in a crazy world.
11:06 p.m.

when i woke up today i thought my mum left without bringing me to school. but it turned out that she just woke up as well..
went to school in the morning for english remedial. it was enlightening but my hand is worn out from all the copying of notes haha...
after i went home and i was watching this movie "From Justin To Kelly" some american idol movie thing..then changed and at 2pm met raj, wai chien and jia jie[he's got sore eyes!] at macdonalds at harboufront. we began to study ss and we had lots of funny talking crap too haha then sufian came.
we just sat there at jia jie was just coming up with math IQ questions haha it was so funny. anyway raj and i bought twister fries. they were all gone.
nic came after a while and then again..AFTER A WHILE sufian, raj, nic and i went up to eat new york pizza haha. it was okay i mean not like super fantastic or anything.then all of us started talking and talking haha it was fun then we made this video of sufian eating chilli! damn that was freakin funny...then we went to the cd shop..i saw this cd called "ULTIMATE R&B" it looks interesting haha i'm thinking of buying it or something if i can.
after we walked around for while then we walked up marang road...back home.
sufian and raj were like so amazed we lived in a "jungle" hahaha
we gave them the whole outside tour.
then they went off.
i shot hoops for a while then i went back in.
just ate dinner.
bored.....
bio tmr..AND ENGLISH...damn..

You keep me safe in a crazy world.
7:36 p.m.

a series of cute pictures haha that i really love =D.

You keep me safe in a crazy world.
7:34 p.m.

yesterday was an eventful day.

i was suppose to STUDY with raj and sufian..so as usual i was late..and they were eating tao hui without me hahaha at bukit merah..then we went to the lib to study for a while, too quiet.
and then we headed off to raj's place...first we ate lunch at the market and i saw glynn, wen ai and matthew haha!..we ate at this really big table and then we changed to a smaller one because it was TOO big...went to raj's palce after lunch and he immediately started playing dota...we didnt study in the end...we also watched funny videos on you tube and laughed like mad haha..then we went to queensway to look at shoes..im in desprate need of new shoes...my current nike one's just became more damaged than it already is...mmm then we went to ikea to eat hot dogs haha damn they are good..lots of mustard!!..then we went to anchorpoint so i could get a mango drink...then all of us went home...

it was a fun day haha without studying..its bad but still it was fun. with great ppl to hang out with its always fun haha.

there were other events that are best kept to myself and maybe some other ppl..yup..but all in all it was a very eventful day..VERY eventful..i think julian will get it?? hahaha

today i went to church, came back, talked to julian a LOT about some stuff..then went to study a math with raj and the rest haha..yup..tmr are the starting of 'N' levels! all the best you guys =D![royston, sufian, vincent, karzaily, max and other peeps who are taking it]....

have you ever thought about the people you bully? how they feel? even though its just for fun. don't you think sometimes you've just gone too far? do you ever think about that? or do you just persist. yes i know its really amusing...what if it was you? maybe you would say you'll just argue back..well well what if you can't? one day these people are going to get slapped and the victims will be standing there, laughing...loudly. draining the cries of the bullies who once thought they were the stronger bunch...

damn why the hell this i just write this....

oh well..

thats all.

You keep me safe in a crazy world.
6:29 p.m.

i was just thinking about this for a while.
sometimes i wish i had a room of my own...

IF i had a room of my own, MY ROOM, here are somethings i would do in my room =D:
- sing at the top of my voice
- play music like crazy
- dance and bouce around up and down in my room
- study in it [because i can't study in my current shared one]
- organise my stuff so i know where's what...esp the special stuff haha
- paint my wall =D
- chat on the phone in private for long hours
- do all my projects etc in my room
- bring friends over to look at my room
- locking my room door..damn that would be fun
- have quiet moments in it
- do crazy stuff
- [i'll think of more things soon....when i actually have a room of my own]

i'm currently sharing this room with my bro and sis...since forever...and i'm 16...oh well haha its okay for now..but i really wish i had my own room...i cant do what i want...sigh...

thats all. [its so miranda! hahaha from "The Devil Wears Prada"]

You keep me safe in a crazy world.
8:48 p.m.