victoria
christian
eighteen
17th May 1990

Psalm 51:12
Restore to me the joy of your salvation
and grant me a willing spirit,
to sustain me.

Proverbs 16:9
In his heart a man plans his course,
but the LORD determines his steps.




BIO 190A Final Exam - 14 Dec 09
Christmas! - 25 December
Back to school - 4 Jan 09

hey! still working out the whole blogging thing but for now i'm at:
http://thenuttythoughtsofvic.tumblr.com/
see ya ;)

You keep me safe in a crazy world.
2:09 p.m.

alright, i tired to make a comment thingy but failed. so, i've moved my tag box up and increased the word limit to my tag box tags/comments.
would really like a comment thing though. have been playing around with blogger and not been doing my eassy...
tmr's the last day to do it.
crunch time

read bottom post if you don't understand what i'm talking about.

You keep me safe in a crazy world.
2:55 p.m.

i have one cold right hand and one warm left hand
i'm all decked out in a pair of toe socks, wool socks over those, a shirt, a sweater, a vest, a rayon scarf, track pants - warm ones.
my nose isn't cold yet.
the wind's howling...
and i'm delaying (procrastinating) my 10 page CYC essay, which i really shouldn't because its due this coming tuesday.
i'm sitting here in my room, on the floor, with the laptop on my lap, typing, with katie's guitar by my side.
(looks up and breathes out)
i'm starting at the ceiling...
yesterday charlie aka charlieissocoollike made my day with his duet with himself
but today... (breath in and out) i'm just trying to do everything but the essay.
i just need an excuse. a person to talk to. i want to go back to nanaimo. heck i want to go back to singapore! where all my friends are. where family is.
it was so funny when my mum was telling my dad when i was on the phone "then she should come back and go to NUS la" wow. if only she knew what he said when he was here at art's place.

i'm seriously ranting about nothing. i'm going on and on... passing the time. hoping the phone'll ring or something. "RING!!!" just kidding...i didn't even laugh...(rolls eyes to self)
i'm staring at this long box which should have been sent... a few months ago.
january, febuary, april, may.. oh i missed out march. march. so that's 4 more months.
4 times 30, 120 days. hours? 120 times... 24, 2880 hours. (ughhhh)

why is it so different. why! ah. (pulls hair and makes it messy)
haha its so funny i put a note on my shef which is right above my table and when i look at it its at eye level. and it reads:
TODAY 5/12/09
1. FINISH CYC ESSAY! do it!
2. Study BIO. you need to compile
3. Talk to Josh tonight
with a huge smiley face at the bottom.
well we know that one's not done! from reading the top if you've lasted that long. and definitely two is out because one wasn't done (hey it rhymes, ah) and number three was delayed till this morning so not a completely unsuccessful list. could have done way better though.

(strokes guitar strings of guitar)
i really need to get my own guitar... probably get a cheaper one because i'm still kind of sucky. i've been practicing everyday so that's awesome. my left hand fingers all hurt so that's a sign. calluses, hard skin, mmm... need to work on strumming patterns. waiting for julian to send me a video that he's making for me, guitar shi fu haha. i'm just imagining saying shi fu in the ang moh accent. shi fu, with no intonation. well i'll be waiting. looking forward to it. (woo! ho..oo...sorry julian, just totally rambling right now...)

why do i even have this blog. i really know who reads it, well maybe a few but honestly, i don't know. and its weird. but i guess its something i can use to 'hone my typing skills' and 'type faster' like my ESSAY... i'm just putt ting it of fff... why can't i just do it. too much on my mind or something... i don't think so... well maybe. maybe. i've just got a lot to say, always... ALWAYS. or at least i try and think of something to just keep going and going and going and going and going.......and going and go...okay. hmm what if i started blogging again every other day instead of just when i feel like it, that would be interesting wouldn't it. its already interesting enough looking back into my past posts and seeing the difference in style over the years, over the months maybe? but its just amazing how things change... this is probably the only thing making sense now... that i'm typing this...

one thing about blogs though is that when you know that people are reading and you know these people who are reading you kind of think twice about what you write. unless you obviously don't care of course, but have you ever wanted to blog about something so bad but you couldn't because you know that someone's "watching". i thought it was quite a funny thing to realise because blog's are like an online journal-ish thing. but its public not private. so you're allowing people to see what you think, how you feel, what happened, in a nut-shell: a peak into your life. a window perhaps. and so because you're so "open" there shouldn't be a problem with just saying what you want to say i guess... unless it hurts other people. there's a line between saying whatt you feel and thinking about what someone else might feel. like if you put it out there that you hate this person X, explicitly, and rant on all the bad things about her, its pretty... bad. i think.
its the art of suttlties. but... the problem comes when people think that they're someone being described in a post or when they think that this person is involved in something else etc. etc. etc.

well okay rewind. people's reasons for blogging are so different. sometimes its to get something off they're chest, i do that. sometimes its to complain about things, yeah i do that sometimes. sometimes its to just share something awesome that happened in their lives or a video, a poem, a picture etc. i do that too! and sometimes its just to update the whole world about what's going on in their lives, i guess i've done that too. whatever it is... don't hurt people!

the only real journal i have is the one i keep and write in to God. He's the best you know. He always listens and i can tell him everything. not almost everything, not some things only, but everything. its just awesome. and sometimes, as much as i'd like to say things here, i know i shouldn't, so i write it all down, in my, currently, little black book, which is going to finish soon (new journal!) rants, prayers, talk, thanksgiving, tears, feelings, emotion, blah. i like the word blah. it means nothing. blah blah blah. BLAH. haha (okay i actually did giggle)

"12345678 spots on my face
too much acne to erase" hahaha from charlie's acne song =) haha

alrighty. i think i shall ATTEMPT to start this essay. hopefully. and hey... well if there are people out there... comment? i don't know.

that reminds me, i should redesign my blog skin again. after so long.
should put in a comments tab on the end of each post as well.

oh and one more thing, i like this blog because (i think, i assume) not many people know about it. and i can be stupid and not... perfect. haha... sounds like sucha lame reason but yeah. yeah... what i think is best kept to a few people i think... if there is a few people... what if there were more =o!

alright alright! i know, i'm going conscience. smell ya later, whoever you are.

You keep me safe in a crazy world.
12:17 p.m.

Job 9:32-35
"He is not a man like me that I might answer him,
that we might confront each other in court.
If only there were someone to arbitrate between us,
to lay his hand upon us both,
someone to remove God's rod from me,
so that his terror would frighten me no more.
Then I would speak up without fear of him,
but as it now stands with me, I cannot."

there is a someone.


swings, wings and wonderful things.

thought 1: stop procrastinating!
thought 2: huh...
thought 3: why can't i just delay this
thought 4: i need to find somewhere else to play the guitar
thought 5: i want to sit on a swing
thought 6: when is tonight coming... in x hours
thought 7: lazzzzyyyyy
thought 8: okay vic, time to work your magic and get another A for an essay
thought 9: huh...

i have to stop hahaha okay i'll be working on my essay.

You keep me safe in a crazy world.
3:03 a.m.

In Christ alone my hope is found
He is my light, my strength, my song
This Cornerstone, this solid ground
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm
What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease
My Comforter, my All in All
Here in the love of Christ I stand

In Christ alone, who took on flesh
Fullness of God in helpless babe
This gift of love and righteousness
Scorned by the ones He came to save
‘Til on that cross as Jesus died
The wrath of God was satisfied
For every sin on Him was laid
Here in the death of Christ I live

There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain
Then bursting forth in glorious Day
Up from the grave He rose again
And as He stands in victory
Sin’s curse has lost its grip on me
For I am His and He is mine
Bought with the precious blood of Christ

No guilt in life, no fear in death
This is the power of Christ in me
From life’s first cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny
No power of hell, no scheme of man
Can ever pluck me from His hand
‘til He returns or calls me home
Here in the power of Christ I’ll stand

You keep me safe in a crazy world.
12:13 p.m.

i feel so angry. in tears angry. why can't you just let me do something, why can't you just trust me.
i am already 19. 19. i know what i am doing. i have a brain. i'm not a sheltered ungrateful singaporean. why cant you just see that. why cant you just listen to the things i tell you. for one second. just listen. listen. and trust me. you make me cry so violently. because you don't take the effort to understand me. you're always too busy. that you can't even read my email, the whole thing. and you ask me to email you, that's the best part. i don't like this. i hate myself for talking to you that way, but i just wished you listened to me. and trusted me enough. I am in Canada... and i'm living. I've found my way around. Myself. I do things myself. I don't need someone else to go first then I will go, i can just step out and do it myself. i found a church because i just went to one. people are not things that if i don't have i cant't do anything... i have to stop. i must stop. because it hurts. i love you. but you make me feel all... red inside. and yet, you're all i have. to talk to... home.

You keep me safe in a crazy world.
1:38 p.m.

17 days till school ends
27 days till the last exam
38 days to Christmas
it'll happen all in a bam

the first year
not even
close

handling the work load
juggling the life
repression, denial, sublimation even!
thank God that exam's just over.

rain down
because the wind's just... too much.
too cold...
popsicle.

You keep me safe in a crazy world.
12:27 p.m.

i've left so much behind...
family, i've left you behind...
and i want to go back
i want to go back.

so badly.

but there's more ahead.
to do, to say, to live.

if only tears and magic fairy dust could just bring you back.
to the place where i do belong.

'i am bound for the promise land' - jars of clay, on jordan's stormy banks i stand

You keep me safe in a crazy world.
8:30 a.m.